Divorceworkshop Blog
Why So Many Midlife Women Are Saying: Enough, I am getting a Divorce!
In my 40s, my periods started going haywire—heavier, more erratic, and totally draining. But what I didn’t realize then was that something deeper was shifting: not just my hormones, but my entire view of my marriage. I was drained from constantly giving everything, being blamed for everything, and the constant lies. I was in a marriage with a high-conflict personality.
However, at the time that my periods were starting to act funky, I didn’t connect the dots between perimenopause and my growing desire for a divorce. My hormones were shifting, so were my emotions, my patience was decreasing, and my tolerance for a relationship that had long taken more than it gave. Can I blame my divorce solely on perimenopause? Absolutely not, but it definitely influenced my decision.
Money Grief After Divorce: The Hidden Loss No One Talks About
When we think about grief after divorce, most people imagine the loss of love, trust, or family structure. But there’s another kind of grief that runs deep, and is rarely named: money grief.
One of my clients once said, “I’m not grieving the loss of my ex, my identity, or our failed dreams. I’m grieving not seeing my children every day, and losing my beautiful house.”
In the divorce world, we often talk about grieving relationships, family routines, or personal identity. But there's a quieter grief many people carry: I miss my house. I miss the lifestyle I once had.
The Unseen Lifeline: How Siblings Help Each Other Through Divorce
Watching my daughters navigate our divorce together has been one of the most unexpectedly powerful parts of this journey. They lean on each other, confide in each other, and instinctively offer comfort in ways that even I can’t always provide. I remember one day, when an issue came up with their co-parent, they didn’t come to me right away. Instead, they met quietly in one of their bedrooms to talk. I didn’t listen in, but I remember thinking: this is powerful. As teenagers, they understood the value of facing difficult moments as a team.
It made me realize something I hadn’t fully understood before: siblings can be an incredible source of strength during divorce.
Wait! You’re ordering for me? And…did you say no tipping?” Welcome to the wild, weird, and wonderfully awkward world of online dating after divorce.
These were no ordinary tales; they were accounts of shocking and somewhat strange first meetings that sparked laughter among us. Amid the amusement, Kirk's co-author emphatically insisted, "These stories need to find a place in our workbook."
And why not? These narratives weren’t the stuff of fiction; they were genuine, relatable stories that served as more than just sources of entertainment. They stood as tangible reminders that the unexpected is par for the course in the realm of online post-divorce dating. By sharing these stories, we aim to prepare readers for the unpredictability of dating while providing a dose of humor to lighten the journey.
For further insights, check out my previous blog, Spotting Narcissistic Red Flags in Post-Divorce Dating.
Forest Bathing for Grief and Divorce Recovery: How Nature Helps You Heal
Later, when I was grieving the end of my marriage, which was marked by abuse and high conflict, I turned back to the forest. What I had once offered others, I now needed for myself.
During my studies, I explored the practice of forest bathing, or shinrin-yoku, a Japanese approach to healing that invites us to immerse ourselves in the sights, smells, and sounds of the forest. It’s not a hike. It’s not exercise. It’s about being, not doing. And many years later, in the wake of my own profound grief, I knew instinctively: it was time to go back to the forest.
How to Handle Boundary Testing from a High-Conflict Ex After Divorce
There’s plenty of advice about the importance of boundaries during divorce. For many, setting firm limits is essential to moving forward. But what’s not always discussed is how some exes will continue to test those boundaries—sometimes long after the divorce is finalized.
Divorce isn’t just a legal process; it’s an emotional and psychological shift that requires redefining your relationship with your ex. While some expect pushback during separation, many don’t realize how persistently a high-conflict ex may challenge boundaries. Even those who recognize their ex’s controlling tendencies may be caught off guard by how relentless these behaviors can be. High-conflict personalities often escalate their actions to maintain influence.
Writing Your Divorce Story: Why It's Crucial for Healing and Growth
When I faced my divorce, I was a student of Thanatology, just embarking on my second degree. While studying the benefits of narrative therapy for grieving individuals, little did I know how pivotal this tool would become in my journey through divorce. At first, the idea of pouring my emotions onto paper seemed daunting and overwhelming. But with gentle encouragement from my therapist, I took that first step.
I walked into the local dollar store, bought a simple journal, and decided I would write about everything I felt about my marriage—the many areas it failed, and what led up to the divorce. I did this when my children were in bed and I could reflect on it all. Boy, did I write! I had tears streaming down my face as I poured out my grief, anger, and every emotion I had bottled up over the years. It was cathartic. Through writing, I began to unravel the tangled threads of my marriage, slowly piecing together where it had begun to fall apart
The Truth About Divorce Anger: Why Common Coping Strategies Backfire
Divorce anger is tough—it fuels battles over money, custody, and communication, often driven by fear, grief, and frustration. When you feel powerless over the situation, anger can take over, making it harder to move forward.
So, what do most of us do? We vent to friends and family, hoping to "get it off our chest," or we throw ourselves into intense workouts, believing we can sweat out the rage. But research suggests these common coping strategies might not actually help—and could even make anger worse.
The Warnings I Ignored: My Grandmothers Told Me Not to Marry Him
I still remember the moment both of my grandmothers warned me about my fiancé. One grandmother told me, “Karen, this is not a good idea.” The other grandmother, through my mother, expressed that she was not happy and did not approve of the engagement. They weren't yelling or making a scene, but both knew something was off. Deep down, they sensed that he wasn’t the right one for me. We had broken up twice before, so I knew there were issues, but I convinced myself they were wrong.
I was very close to my grandmothers and trusted their wisdom. But when it came to my relationship, I thought I knew better, and I was incredibly naïve. Maybe it was my stubbornness, or maybe he did a good job pretending. Either way, I ignored the small voice inside me whispering that something wasn’t right.
Reimagining Support for Men in Divorce: An Integrated Approach for Professional and Personal Guidance
Divorce can feel chaotic, an emotional whirlwind filled with challenges that can overwhelm even the strongest individuals. For men, the journey is often tougher due to societal expectations that encourage them to appear stoic. It is crucial to have a support system that goes beyond just legal advice to help navigate this complex transition.
Imagine combining essential legal services with a range of supportive resources tailored for men. This integrated approach can facilitate a smoother recovery, enabling men to focus not only on legal matters but also on their emotional well-being.
Grieving an Ex-Spouse: Understanding the Unspoken Loss
Have you ever paused to consider how you might react when news arrives of your ex-partner's death? It's a question that might not have crossed your mind, but it's one that can carry profound emotions. For some, the idea of an ex’s death might bring relief—perhaps even a sense of longing for closure. For others, it can stir up unexpected sadness.. And for most of us, we often find ourselves somewhere in the middle—confused about our grief and seeking ways to help our children navigate this complex terrain.
This type of grief, experienced by the divorced party, can be messy and complicated. Some may feel intense emotions, while others experience gentler, yet perplexing feelings.
Moving Day & Recovery: The Overlooked Challenge of Divorce
No one prepares you for how emotionally draining moving out after divorce can be. It’s not just about packing—it’s about untangling your life, one box at a time.
I moved out of our home nearly seven years ago. I never realized how much work it would be to split things up, pack, and move—with two children, a dog, and a cat. No one talks about this part of divorce—how physically and emotionally exhausting moving can be. The stress, the grief, the sheer logistics of it all—it was overwhelming. And yet, in the midst of it, I also felt relief.
Breaking the Silence: Understanding Divorce in South Asian Culture
The weight of cultural expectations can make divorce feel like a mountain too steep to climb in South Asian communities. As someone who has worked closely with individuals navigating this journey, I’ve seen how cultural stigma adds layers of complexity to an already challenging process. Today, let’s have an honest conversation about divorce in South Asian culture and explore paths toward healing, empowerment, and reclaiming your life.
How People-Pleasing Impacts Your Divorce: Breaking Free from the Cycle
I’ve always been a people-pleaser, and even now, I still struggle with it. Looking back on my marriage, I realize how much it wore me down. I became burnt out, resentful, and just wanted out of the toxic and abusive relationship.
Interestingly, my people-pleasing didn’t stop after I left. During the long, drawn-out separation and divorce, I kept falling into the same patterns—saying "yes" when I wanted to say "no." Learning to say no was challenging. Many of you might relate to this experience.
Even after my marriage ended, I found myself helping him move out—cleaning, organizing, and still walking on eggshells to avoid confrontation. One moment stands out: a few months post-separation, he asked me to buy chocolates for his mother’s birthday since he wouldn’t be available. Despite the years of mistreatment from both him and his mother, I agreed. Afterward, I was furious with myself. That was the turning point when I realized something had to change.
Finding Joy After Divorce: When You Feel Like the Fifth Wheel
There's a moment after separation that no one really talks about. It's not the big moments - signing papers or moving out. It's the quiet ones, like standing on a deck at a family gathering, hearing your wedding song drift through the air, and feeling your heart crack just a little bit more.
I know this moment intimately. I lived it.
The Deck That Changed Everything
Have you ever felt like you no longer fit in after your separation? I remember the exact moment that feeling hit me. It was during my first trip up north to visit my sisters and their families after my marriage ended. I had been to this annual gathering many times before—often without my ex—but this time, everything felt different. I wasn't just attending alone; I felt alone, like a puzzle piece from a different box.
Do High Conflict personalities love their children?
Growing up, I often found myself asking a question no child should ever have to wonder: Does my father truly love me? His unpredictable nature and hurtful actions left me doubting, while my mother’s steady love became my anchor in an otherwise turbulent world.
As an adult, I unknowingly repeated the cycle, marrying someone who shared traits with my father. We had children together, and over time, I began to notice troubling patterns in my ex-husband’s behavior. The same haunting question returned: Does he genuinely love our kids?
After our separation, his behavior became even more erratic and concerning. Friends would ask me, “How can a father treat his children this way?” Some even said, “Karen, maybe he doesn’t love them.” Deep down, I had to face a painful truth: I’m not sure he does.
How to Build a Strong Divorce Support System: 4 Essential Pillars
Divorce is one of the most challenging transitions a person can face, often upending every aspect of life. As someone who has spent years studying and working in the field of thanatology—the science of death, dying, and grief—I’ve seen firsthand how vital a solid support system is during times of profound change. Divorce is the death of a relationship that is often complex and messy and requires tools and strategies to help navigate the emotional, logistical, and practical challenges it brings.
Why 'Knowing Who You’re Divorcing' Could Transform Your Divorce
Divorce is more than a legal process; it’s an emotional, personal, and often overwhelming journey. Emotions run high, coping systems are maxed out, and the stress of navigating an uncertain future can feel relentless. During this turmoil, one of the most powerful tools to manage this storm is clarity—understanding not just who you’re divorcing, but also who you are. This insight can guide your decisions and help you move forward with greater confidence.
Feeling Overwhelmed by Divorce? Here's Why Pausing Can Change Everything
Whether you’re the one initiating the divorce or still deciding, the urge to act quickly can be overwhelming. However, the best first step is often to resist that impulse. Taking a moment to "sit still" provides both you and your ex with the space to emotionally settle and think more clearly. This pause doesn’t mean waiting months—it’s simply about creating a brief period of reflection before rushing into decisions you might later regret.
In my case, I deeply wish I had taken this pause. Instead, I reacted out of fear and haste, without fully understanding the dynamics of my marriage or my ex's behavior. Many of us in difficult or abusive relationships may not even realize the extent of the toxicity or who we’re dealing with until it’s too late. Had I been able to gain more insight into who I was divorcing or had more guidance, my approach to the divorce would have been much more strategic and I would have been better equipped to handle who I was divorcing.
Note: It’s important to recognize that in cases of domestic violence or extreme toxicity, there is often no option to pause. For those in such situations, immediate safety must come first, and acting quickly is necessary. In these instances, seeking help from a legal professional or support organization is critical, and a pause may not be possible.
Why So Many Divorces Happen After the Holidays—Including Mine
At the time, I didn’t fully understand why we often hold on through the holidays, even when a relationship is falling apart. Reflecting on my own experience, I stayed for my children. I wanted to give them one last holiday as a family, even though the tension in the air was undeniable.
Many people face the same pressure: the desire to maintain the appearance of a happy family, the hope for a holiday miracle, or simply the wish to avoid adding more pain to an already emotional season.
I’ve since learned this is a common experience. Countless men and women have shared stories of waiting until after the holidays to finally say, “I’m done.” The holiday season, while joyous for some, often magnifies dissatisfaction and exposes the cracks in a marriage, making them impossible to ignore.